100 Christian Jokes
1. Why did Noah have to punish the chickens? They were using fowl language.
2. Who was the smartest man in the Bible? Abraham — he knew a Lot.
3. Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean? It was a little fishy.
4. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married? Ruth-less.
5. Why didn't they play cards on Noah’s Ark? Because Noah was standing on the deck.
6. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights.
7. Why was the math book sad at church? It had too many problems.
8. What do you call praying in a tornado? A whirlwind of faith.
9. Why did Adam and Eve do math every day? They were told to be fruitful and multiply.
10. Why did Cain bring a pencil to church? To draw near to God.
11. Why couldn't Moses use the internet? There were too many tablets.
12. Why did Moses' mom put him in a basket? She didn’t want pharaoh-nother baby.
13. Why did Samson avoid making friends? They kept trying to pull his hair.
14. Who was the best comedian in the Bible? Samson — he brought the house down.
15. What did the Red Sea say to Moses? Nothing, it just waved.
16. Why did Pharaoh refuse to let the people go? He was in de-Nile.
17. Why did the Israelites wander for 40 years? Even back then, men refused to ask for directions.
18. What did Moses use to light his house? A burning bush.
19. Why was Joshua a great musician? He blew the trumpet of Jericho.
20. What did Ruth say to Boaz when she first met him? “Nice to meet you, Boaz… what a field you have!”
21. Why did David bring a slingshot to church? He heard the pastor talking about giants in our lives.
22. Why couldn’t Goliath get up in the morning? He was dead tired.
23. Why was Goliath so shocked? The thought had never entered his head before.
24. Why did David refuse to wear Saul’s armor? It wasn’t his style.
25. What do you call a small, funny Bible character? A prophet.
26. Why was the Bible cold? It had too many fans.
27. What did the disciples drive? A Honda—they were all in one Accord.
28. Why did Peter throw his nets on the other side? He wanted to try fishing “out of the box.”
29. Why did Jesus get good reception? Because He had the best prayer plan.
30. What phone does Moses use? A bush-mobile.
31. Why do angels never get lost? They always take the high road.
32. What kind of music do angels listen to? Harp tunes.
33. Why did the angel lose his job? He kept harping on others.
34. What game do angels play? Halo.
35. Why don’t angels use GPS? They always follow God’s direction.
36. What’s an angel’s favorite drink? Holy water on the rocks.
37. Why did the angel join the choir? He had perfect pitch.
38. Why do angels make good workers? They harp on the job.
39. Why don’t angels text? They prefer heavenly messages.
40. What type of cell service is in heaven? Angel LTE.
41. Why did the church have lights so bright? Because the pastor had a lot of Son-light.
42. Why was the computer cold at church? It left its Windows open.
43. Why did the pastor bring a ladder to church? To help people get closer to God.
44. What do you call eating in church? A holy snack-rament.
45. What’s a missionary’s favorite car? A convertible—for outreach.
46. Why did the choir quit? They couldn’t find harmony.
47. Why do churches never get locked? Because Jesus saves.
48. Why does the usher carry a pencil? In case he needs to draw someone to church.
49. Why did the pews always behave? They were very seated.
50. Why did the organist get in trouble? He had too many keys.
51. Why was the calendar nervous at church? It had too many dates.
52. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
53. What’s Jesus' favorite workout? Cross training.
54. Why did the banana go to church? It needed to find its appeal.
55. Why do Christians make good drivers? They know the road to salvation.
56. Why did the cow become a Christian? It wanted to be moo-ved by the Spirit.
57. Why don’t skeletons go to church? They don’t have the guts.
58. Why did the rooster skip service? He was too chicken to pray.
59. What did the sheep say to the pastor? “You’re my shepherd—I wool always follow.”
60. Why don’t bees get lost? They follow God's buzzness.
61. Why was the cookie sad at Sunday school? Because his mom was a wafer too long.
62. What did the paper say at Bible study? “I feel ream-arkable.”
63. Why did the orange go to church? It wanted to peel closer to God.
64. Why did the bicycle fall over on the way to church? It was two-tired.
65. Why did the lamp pray? It wanted to be a light to the world.
66. What’s God’s favorite vegetable? Lettuce praise Him.
67. Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing for church.
68. Why didn’t the bread go to church? It kneaded to stay home.
69. Why was the apple lonely? It couldn’t find the core group.
70. What do planets sing in church? Neptunes.
71. Why did the fisherman bring bread? To catch fishers of men.
72. Why did the lady bring a broom to service? She wanted to sweep away her sins.
73. Why is prayer like Wi-Fi? It’s invisible but connects you to what you need.
74. Why do Christians make good singers? They have good hymn-provisation.
75. Why did the bell ring? It had good resonance for worship.
76. Why was the church bulletin always calm? It had plenty of issues resolved.
77. Why did the pencil go to Bible study? To get its point across.
78. Why did the crayon pray? It wanted to draw closer to God.
79. What do you call a Bible character who just wants to sleep? Naphtali.
80. Why was the book of Job special? It had a lot of character building.
81. Why did the candle go to church? To get re-lit.
82. Why don't clouds attend church? They drift too much.
83. What do you call a church full of birds? The flock.
84. Why did the squirrel skip church? Too many nuts in the pews.
85. Why did the turtle read the Bible slowly? It liked to take things one shell at a time.
86. Why did the dog sit near the pastor? He wanted to be a good pup-il.
87. Why did the cat pray? For purr-severance.
88. Why did the fish join the choir? It wanted to tune its scales.
89. Why do birds make great worship leaders? They know how to lift up their voices.
90. Why did the flower worship? It wanted to bloom in the Spirit.
91. Why did the tree go to church? It wanted to branch out in faith.
92. Why did the leaf pray? It wanted to turn over a new one.
93. Why did the rock attend Sunday school? To become a little boulder in faith.
94. Why did the lawn mower pray? It needed a fresh cut from the Word.
95. What do you call a sleepy church? Snoozengers.
96. Why did the fruit go to Sunday school? It wanted to grow in the Spirit.
97. Why did the storm cloud repent? It had thundered too much.
98. Why did the baker pray? For daily bread.
99. Why do Christians love elevators? They lift your spirits.
100. Why did the moon attend church? It needed to reflect the Son.